Time for a Change

Its the age old story, boy meets girl, you settle down, get comfortable and everything else falls by the wayside.

Plain and Simple, I got comfortable. Well that was 30 lbs ago.

For as long as I could remember, I have had body image issues as well as self – confidence issues and issues with food.

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Three years ago, I decided I was going to change all that, eat in moderation but enjoy my life… that lasted for about 3 months, until i learned I was not 18 anymore and couldn’t eat crap and only work out occasionally.

Around that time, in combination of medication changes, moderate depression (anxiety) and general laziness, I let myself go only to wake up 2 years later, “overweight” and immensely unhappy.

For some reason I couldn’t just “Lose Weight” by eating crap and not working out… It didn’t make sense (insert eye roll). I tried EVERYTHING: Pills, Wraps, Moderation, Cut-outs, Shakes, Snake Oil, Potions & Lotions, etc and NOTHING worked… In fact I kept gaining. *Shocking*

To get a handle on my anxiety and moderate depression, I started seeing a psychologist around that same time and put myself on anti-anxiety medication. Through trial and error I began to see which medication didn’t mesh well with me and which did, the trial process was HELL on my body (and emotions).

After a year of trial and error, I found the right cocktail of medication and decided to begin seeing a therapist to have someone “professional” to talk to. Talking out my problems with my Mom, Sisters, Best Friends and strangers on the street was wonderful and helpful, but I felt i needed someone who wouldn’t “Yes” me and would tell me to cut the bullshit. I also felt it wasn’t fair to continue to burden them with my “woe as mes.”

During my 8 months of CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) – I learned self worth, coping skills, how my brain liked to play tricks on me and how to communicate. My sessions went from negative, sad and unsure to happy, positive and confident. After 8 months, I graduated from Therapy with a positive outlook and the ability to handle my anxiety and stress, without going postal on my loved ones, customers, or strangers.

This brings us to early mid April when I made a decision that would change my life in mere days. 

After seeing the success the Lovely B had on the program, I decided to join the Whole 30 movement and take the challenge. I was scared… Could I REALLY give up my nightly glass (or 3) of wine??? Would I be able to meal plan and COOK??? (I don’t cook, ManFriend handles that) – Could I cut out cheese (which is my major food group) and would I be miserable for 30 days? In the past cutting out food had only resulted in me craving it more, having MAJOR Food FOMO (fear of missing out), and ending up gaining more weight after the “diet” ended.

The final straw was this picture: 20160423_000802000_iOS

That handsome man is my incredible ManFriend (6 years strong) ❤

I saw this picture and how utterly fat, puffy and bloated I looked and decided ENOUGH was ENOUGH!

I enlisted the help/support of my family, friends, the lovely B, ManFriend and began the Whole 30 on April 24th, 2016. I was scared, excited, ambitious and beyond READY to feel better.

I had NO idea, what I had just done, but I was readier than ever to make a change. I felt that there was no better time than right before summer, having gotten my anxiety under control, in an incredible place in my relationship and having a more positive outlook on life than ever before.

My expectations vs reality couldn’t have been more wrong.

 

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