ManFriend: “you’re on your own for dinner tonight…”
A: ok, maybe I’ll go out….
And it all spiraled downward from there…
Tonight I decided, since I had groceries, the night off, trying to eat better, save money and no plans I would cook for myself… Which as we know is usually and interesting experience.
Tonight was one for the books…
I thought it would be fun to make “clean” crispy French fries and baked chicken – they would have been cleaner if I used avocado oil… But I only had vegetable and didn’t know avocado oil had a higher burning point as well…
Anyway… The French fry cooking went off without a hitch… But since it required putting drizzled oil in the oven, I didn’t breathe for 35 minutes….
Please see earliest posts on my first experience putting a dish with oil in it in the oven.
The fries were AWESOME…. I highly recommend!
Ok hard part over! Now I put in the almond flour “breaded” chicken… Which I’ve done about 50 times without incident……………………………………….:…
*wtf is that smell????* I thought to myself… Open the over to see MELTED YELLOW GOO ON THE BOTTOM OF THE OVEN.
WHAT THE ACTUAL F%^K…. It’s BREADED CHICKEN… In a high lipped pan….. WHATS MELTING!
Side Bar: the almond flour I used was closed by a yellow chip clip – the almond flour bag was used up… So the clip was left on the counter.
CHIP CLIPS HAVE MAGNETS ON THEM…….
As I am writing this, I’ve literally had an epiphany! MAGNETS RUIN EVERYTHING!
When I was taking out the fries, I moved the chicken pan to make room… Putting it on the other counter (where said clip was resting….)
Magnets are attracted to metal…..
If you haven’t done the math at this point, well you’re dumber than I am…. And I put a plastic chip clip in the oven…
Well, melting plastic smells terrible, so after I saw the melted puddle of plastic. I sprung into action…(been down this road before) opened the windows, the door, turned on the fan and threw the cats in the bathroom…
Immediately scraped off the still sizzling goo, and wiped up as much as I could so it wouldn’t harden… (I got it all)
THANKFULLY THE FIRE ALARM DIDNT GO OFF!
now comes the really fun part!
I did the dishes, finished the oven… All the while still shaking… Then began to sob harder than I’ve ever sobbed before…
I felt like a complete failure… I continue to try to cook and continue to mess it up in one way or another… WHY CAN’T I DO THIS… Cooking literally terrifies me, now more than ever… So I pay attention, follow the recipe to the T, don’t drink or look at my phone…. I don’t even leave the kitchen the whole time I’m cooking… SO WHY CAN’T I DO THIS???? I threw myself quite the pity party… Seriously, there were balloons AND streamers! But after a solid half hour of scaring the cats and man friend, I made tequila for dinner and tried to calm down…
2 of my beautiful friends reminded me that I am very good at so many things, that I have to be bad at something to make life fair….. Seriously how sweet are my friends??? ❤
Ok. So I sobbed, had tequila for dinner and began to get ready for bed… Because I had about enough day…. When my tiny, three legged kitten comes trotting into the bedroom… I pick him up to find shit hanging off his butt and tail… FREAKING FANTASTIC!
Sometimes young kittens can’t fully clean themselves yet / haven’t gotten the hang of balancing while using the litter box…. Which is made even more difficult since he’s down a leg 😼. Nothing new, doesn’t phase me, all part of being a kitty mommy – that stuff doesn’t really ever bother me…. Except when I’ve had a terrible night and am a big ball of emotions!
Clean him up… Wash up and go back to the bedroom where I find him pawing (digging) randomly on the wood floor…
Not pawing randomly.
He was trying to “cover up” yet another piece of shit that fell off him when I picked him up….
Yep. I’m done, This night was almost so awful that it was comical.
Put a fork in me, I’m throwing in the towel, say good night Gracie….
I can’t human anymore today…